This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
As we know, Angi loves to toss a note out onto Reddit to find interesting things to discuss in the morning. You can't blame her really because between the wine drinking on the couch and Netflix, she barely has time for considering topics to discuss. Pressing the easy button yesterday, she found herself a real vault to mine for hilarious stuff. Today's big discussion revolved around rejecting someone you fancied due to some absolutely petty reason. Obviously this means extremely stupid things that kept a date or deal from being sealed. For example, going out on a date with someone who has the same name as your mom. This btw was something Abe could get behind as he couldn't date anyone named Nadie or Shelly for that matter. Shelly btw, was the name of his dog, yeah.... Angi suggested that you probably shouldn't tell a girl that her name is the same as a dogs. One girl dumped her 8th grade boyfriend just before Christmas because she didn't want to buy him a gift. Another girl dumped a guy because he was 25 and did not want to eat his vegetables. There was another who dumped a guy because he had a ton of pillows but he did not use pillowcases (vomit.) Abe once knew a girl who was beyond thirsty, like she was literally parched. Something tells me that Abe is just not used to normal interactions with people since he hates everyone and she was probably just an average idiot. Anyway, he was talking to her one day and a green bug crawled out of her hair and that was it. From that day forward she went from being a thirsty girl to a bug girl. If he was invested in her it would be a different story but because he barely knew her she instantly became irrelevant. As for Angi, she was once talking to this hot stack of man. He unfortunately shot himself in the foot by answering a call from her by saying "yellow." That guy sounded like a real winner Angi, what a missed opportunity. Turning to the roadies, Tom knew a girl with a live/laugh/love sign on her living room wall and when he saw it, it was over for them. Head Roadie Justin went to dinner with a girl who proceeded to absolutely lose it on a waiter because her food was touching her other food. I feel there's a perfect opportunity for a PSA here. If you go nuts on or cuss out a service person, Angi and Abe hate you. As for Dave, he tossed a girl to the wayside because she was a receiver but not a giver. Her excuse was the classic "I can't concentrate" while doing it (like it's that hard to fill your mouth for a few minutes sis.) Angi defended the girl and said that being below deck is not the best place for a girl since you get your nose near the booty hole. There was no chance for a comeback because you know, girls are cleaner. I think it makes sense to cap this by saying that Dave's favorite position is 69.
All the Rest:
You guys, we really hate to brag on this show (five minute pause for laughter) but today there is reason to celebrate. Angi was a hero last night, well let me correct that, Angi could have been a hero last night. Let me explain and you can decide if she should be handed the Presidential Medal of Freedom or if we should call her an idiot? So last night, Angi was out for dinner on the Riverwalk last night with her friends and it was a beautiful time. Well let me correct myself, it was a beautiful time until Angi thought she caught glimpse of an attempted suicide. You see, sitting outside and eating, Angi noticed that there was this 15-16 year old who was standing on the ledge, looking like he was going to nose dive into the river. He would come on the ledge, get off the ledge, Angi was panicked. I probably should add that she was also setting her phone to record video, you know, just in case. Well, it turns out our supposed hero Angi earned her idiot title yesterday when she finally figured out what was going on. Stopping herself short from going up to conversate with the non suicidal teen, it turned out he was working. That's right, he was a boathand and his going on and off was because he was helping bring in the boats. After explaining that, she discussed the delicious meal she had Pizzeria Portofino, where she definitely got the sausage (alright!) Abe chimed in to explain that he's never been on the Riverwalk because he doesn't like to go down the staircase. I think he was scared off further realizing there's probably suicidal teens down there as well. So this non suicidal teen is living the dream, which is sitting around waiting to pull in yachts with hot bikini sluts on them. Tie in the fact that these boats are all owned by old men who are not getting action and the kid is probably drowning in cash and prizes. It becomes a matter of status for these geriatrics. They want to be seen with all these hot girls even if they won't touch them. In fact, Angi has been on boats before with those types of guys and confirms that they just want to show off. How cool would it be to be a 70 year old guy with dusty balls and having 6 hot girls taking pics for their Instagram all day. It's a stereotype btw to think that everyone needs to bang the old man, it's mostly just champagne and Instagram flashing. However, there is always that one hoe friend around that would give him a little release to secure the rights to the party boat for the summer. This is what it has become though to be old, there's no longer Ferrari driving in the Viagra Triangle, it's not getting a boat out to load up with thirsty Insta thots. Abe (no shock here ever) then slightly derailed things to discuss old men and their dying smells aka rotting old balls. Angi had nothing to add on this so Abe elaborated. When old men use the urinals at baseball games, their pee smells like the grim reaper. The talk of men and women though led Abe back down his problematic drug statements that frankly Angi seems to finally be having enough of. I suggested she hit him with a rolled up newspaper next time he starts acting up.
So, if you're reading these notes, you're probably sitting on the toilet. God only knows I couldn't imagine anyone reading anything outside of the bathroom anymore, especially due to this show. Speaking of the show, if you're listening to it, it's more than likely that you're doing it in your car. I mean, I honestly think I'm the only person who is actively listening from home. Anyway, think of all that time that is spent on your commute. For Abe, he considers his commute is the moment he steps into the shower. Anyway, a lot of the shower listeners have an absolutely insane commute be it from the burbs or as far as Indiana. It's so stressful living this life, 2 hours in and then 2 out, it's just too much. So a poll was done asking whether commute time should count toward working hours and in turn, should you be paid for it. Crazy enough, 50% of those polled said yes while the other 50% said no. The guess would be jealousy at those who would make money going for 2 hour drives as opposed to those who live five minutes away. For our captive audience (you're trapped in the car, what else are you going to do!) Angi sought to find out exactly who among the roadies had the longest commute. We are seeking to crown our own Roadie Billionaire, the one who would make the most for traveling the most. So are you 1 hour, 2 hours, 4 hours, let's hear from a small sampling of our listeners. Head Roadie Bill's commute is 1 hour 35/45 minutes, he then works a 10 hour shift and the drive home can be as much as 2 hours and 35 minutes. He goes 202 miles everyday (christ, I feel for him.) Bryce goes 70 miles one way in the morning and that's relatively quick, like an hour. On the way home though it's up for grabs. Matt drives 65 miles and getting in and out all depends on traffic really. Angi decided to show off and mention her trip is like 4 seconds because she's four miles away. However, four miles can take an hour when it's the afternoon. Jim's trip is 1 hour and 20 mins both forth and back. Mark's morning drive is 1 hour 25 minutes going and 2 hours and 45 mins coming home. Anthony called to discuss his friend who does 100 miles after working on the railroad all day. However, it was Eric who became our overall winner. Going in, he goes a whopping 150 miles one way and that takes about 3 hours. He leaves the house at 4, arrives at 7. When he finally leaves, he usually doesn't get home until 9 at night. Christ, I for one have mad respect for all these guys because I could not imagine putting up with all that driving.
Finally, Kate Beckinsale, an actress who Angi and Abe can not name a single movie she's been in said something ridiculous. She said that she's never been on a date because with guys she gets with, she either ends up marrying them or getting pregnant. Her one husband, she met on the set of a movie and ended up marrying him for 15 years. Another husband, she also met on set and ended up marrying him for 8 years. Angi doesn't buy any of this and thinks she's completely full of it. So this had Angi curious, what is something that everyone else seemingly has done that you haven't. Examples included things like going on a date, having sex, going to a concert, flying on a plane. Abe's is super simple, he's never left the country. Let's be realistic, that's not something that's ever going to happen either. Angi has never driven stick shift, keyword driven, no one said anything about riding a stick. Turning to the roadies, Carla called to say that she agreed with Angi that Kate's story is total bs. Her never have I ever though was that she's never been on vacation with a guy. She is single though so guys, now is your chance to jump that. Though I should probably add that Angi tried to ruin the concept of it. She explained how the first vacation with a guy could be a real deal breaker. For example, when Angi goes on vacation, she goes to the bathroom in the hotel gym because she won't use it in the hotel room. It should also be made a point of that Angi has never gone on vacation with a guy that she hasn't laid with. This was brought up by Abe, who knows dudes who have gone on vacation with girls expecting to get laid. Girls should and probably do know what's up, don't get all confused assuming that they don't. Britney called to mention she never learned to swim so basically, make sure her and Abe are never left alone in the water. Then there was roadie Jeff and boy did he have a lot to say. He never has nor will he ever go down on a woman. This was brought on by a trauma from back in the day when a woman opened her pants and it reeked of the fish market in the hot sun. We also learned that he is not a fan of women with "hair down there." He had been married at some point but apparently his woman was stepping out on him. Lastly, he does expect girls to give him mouth hugs however. Wow, this guy is truly a real winner, absolutely amazing (side eye.)
Request Wars:
Current Champion: Brian
Champion Song Choice: "Sugar"
Challenger Song Choice: "Hallowed Be Thy Name"
Observation: A husband came in to avenge his wife but Brian was ready to take him down. We got one good line out of this whole mess and that alone should dictate the winner but god this was bad. Incredible song choices though so technically the audience wins regardless. (For the record, I don't blindly hate everything but I don't sugar coat. If you're great, you'll get your accolades and if you're not, well ... see above.)
Winner: Scott
10 o' Clock Toast:
Windy City Live. It's been canceled (and it's not Angi the Mushes fault for once) and that sucks for middle aged women who love it.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
Quote: "We all have that one hoe friend that makes sure we can stay on the yacht all summer." - Angi
Quote: "What do you do, drop bowling balls on their head? Is that how you kill gators?" - Abe
Quote: "I don't think I'll be healed by then, I have frankentits right now." - Angi