This is a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting and funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast version of the show. If you want a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place.
Call in Point:
(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)
So we're coming close to closing out spooky season or Spooktober as I like to call it and that obviously means we need to do something special. Sure, Halloween parties are great, sitting around and getting drunk watching horror movies at home is amazing, turning off all the lights and eating all the Halloween candy is the best. However, when I think of the Halloween season, I clearly think of funerals. As all of us are desensitized to death and dying at this point because Angi continues to die every morning, it's only fitting that we come together and celebrate her death. That's right, Rock 95.5 is hosting a funeral party on Angi's birthday this Friday because why not. Personally, I think it's hilarious that she's being treated like a death show pony because she does threaten to kill herself on the show regularly. There should be a few things noted about this event by the way, as there is some confusion that seems to have arisen. It will be a nighttime event and it starts at 9 P.M. and will run until Angi collapses from drinking too many fingers of Jack. This is also the first time Angi and Abe will be doing a public show event together which is awesome. There will be a live band at the event as well, to add to the atmospheric fun. Now all this is well and good but I know that what everyone wants to know is who else will be in attendance. Well, the alleged guest list is quite incredible and here is just a sneak peek of who may show. This group list has everything a little bit for everyone including but not limited to: all the people who have played Don't Kill Angi,The White Sox, someone named Chicago Sky, Steve Bartman, that guy who called earlier that makes booze, John Stamos, Peanut Butter Whiskey Ed, Animal from the muppets, Screech's corpse, a pair of Step Brothers, Billy Eichner, a large bag of almonds, Angi's BFF Aaron Rodgers, Debra Messing, Vince Neil's catering service, a random collective of scary clowns, Big Cat, Head Roadie Sandy, Angi's prison pal Nightmare, Pete Davidson's BDE, the legendary Mae West (in ghost form,) that leprechaun from the Lucky Charms cereal box and apparently Eric Ferguson. I should probably add that the password to get in is "Gay Tuesday" and a $5 cover charge.
All the Rest:
On this show, I honestly think we've played our own version of The Name Game several times now and today was yet another version of it. So one of the bigger stories that came during slow news week Monday was that Kanye has legally changed his name to Ye. I mean, we could indulge this obvious cry for attention or we could continue on with our lives and not even bat an eyelash. That said, Ye inspired Angi to seek out anyone in the audience who has changed their first name. Last name is too common for her and too easy, she was seeking to see the shift from a to b. As she noted, she knows tons of people who changed their last name (hell, my sister in law changed her last name to our families.) Somehow (though not shocking in the slightest,) this led to Abe discussingFull Housebecause it is Gay Tuesday after all. There was an episode where Stephanie wanted to change her name to Dawn because she just wasn't feeling Stephanie anymore. Anyway, with that nonsense detour out of the way, we got to the meat and potatoes of the conversation. If Abe was to change his name, he would become something amazingly cool (if not unoriginal because Abe is only inspired by visual media like squirrels are by nuts.) Maximus Leonidas Kanan would become the new co-host of Angi's show but much like when he was Abraham, he would shorten it simply to Max Kanan. Angi, on the other hand, wouldn't change her name because she actually likes it. We were retreated to the story of how her mother had originally planned to name her Tanya, which would have made her Tanya Taylor. At that point, she would be more suited for the stage and not behind a microphone. "Now coming to the stage, Tanya Taylor." Before going to the phones, Tom on Twitter chimed in that he wanted to change his name to Mark because in high school, he thought it was cool. Angi and Abe were sort of astounded by the idea of regular name change to regular name change, since it's so boring. Andrew called to say he would love to change not his name but his sons. After giving birth, his wife waited until he went to the bathroom and then immediately blurted out that his name is Bridge. Now Bridge is 4 and supposedly doesn't hate his name yet but he's definitely going by the name B now (and probably forever.) The reason she wanted it by the way was because it was used, apparently only used 86 times since 1890 (with good reason.) As for Andrew's choice, well she simply didn't care for his name choice which was "Moat" I'm assuming. To help his son offset that fact that his name sucks, they've explained to him that his name is that of a Power Ranger. As for me, if I had a different name, I would go as Nikolas Turner, which is an alias I used to use way back when.
Now that we've come up with new names, perhaps it's time to find a new career as well. This spawned from Texas A&M offering up a class in BBQ now. That's right, you can learn all the intricacies about BBQ and I'm assuming cooking and eating it as well. Now see, some of us would roll our eyes at this stupid idea but honestly, most college classes are pretty useless. Aside from base knowledge that you may need or specific classes to do a career you have planned, this is just throwing money down a well because YOLO or in this case, you want a hobby. So with that established, Angi sought to find out what classes the two of them could teach as well as what the roadies would be bringing to the table. If anything, I'd assume that The Angi Taylor University will be known for its amount of alcohol related deaths and promiscuousness. So turning to Prof. Kanan, we learned that he will be teaching a course in covering up mistake texts this semester. See, the idea here is to cause confusion and use all sorts of misdirection and gas lighting to make it seem like you're not a monster. For example, let's say Abe is texting me and calls Angi an alcoholic a-hole but it goes to her instead. His go to move is to showcase that it was a text meant to say like "right Angi, aren't you" or fill the chat with nonsense to bypass the fact that he just talked smack and got caught. Angi is in her right to believe that she would easily see past this whole ruse which let's be realistic, most people who aren't stupid would. As for Prof. Taylor, she would actually be teaching several different classes. Her main study would be in falling which is something she does all the time but she doesn't do the roll to go with it. Instead, she falls and all her limbs go limp while in the air and she hits the floor like a cartoon mess. Now, one has to wonder exactly what the class would entail and it is something about how she hasn't died yet even though she falls all the time. Other classes you can catch taught by Prof. Taylor are sarcasm, wine drinking, Jack drinking and how to sip and savor. On the phone, Chad was up first to discuss his class which would be a course on driving since he gets so many speeding tickets. Sarah was going to teach a class about how to communicate with your cat but ended up becoming the new professor of how to communicate on the radio. Andrew was all about showcasing his skills in patience in his class which Angi wanted to be on the sign up sheet for immediately. Apparently his wife actively seeks ways to irritate him daily. Next up was Joshua who would be opening up a class on distilling as he makes his own moonshine, rum, whiskey and brand. Head Roadie Keith called in to say that he'll be doing a class on repairing cars. Personally, I feel I should recommend the trifecta of amazing courses offered by Abe, Angi and myself. It starts with Abe's course inFull House, followed by Angi teaching a lesson in koala chlamydia and ending it with my course on being a functioning alcoholic.
Finally, since we were talking about school, it would make sense that we took a trip down memory lane to gym class. While watching theWGN Morning News, there was a quick snippet on square dancing which triggered Angi and Abe. They began to discuss gym class and square dancing, which they were attempting to understand why they did that in the first place. This is a traumatic, weird memory that Angi still has yet to discuss with her daughter because she feels like she'll be looked upon as a loser if she did. It didn't make sense to have something like that stuffed between rounds of dodge ball and playing red light/green light. Abe also found wondering if Mrs. Davis was still teaching square dancing over at Lee Elementary, even though this woman is probably like 90 at this point. While there was a discussion on why it was only square dancing and not any other versions, Abe lamented the torture and horror of having to dance with a girl (it is Gay Tuesday after all.) What about other things that had to be done in gym class, like climbing rope. That was something that Abe could never do but Angi excelled at it (shocking that doing something that involved her hands and gripping something was a thing she was good at.) What about the Presidential Fitness Challenge which both of them had to do and Abe of course did terribly on that as well while Angi did fine. Then we got onto jumping rope and incorporating it into the studio in the morning since they both like it so much. I think the point here was that square dancing is not good exercise. Well that and for Abe to brag about how all the girls wanted to dance with Abe yet he would always get stuck with a jobber. You wouldn't get Topanga even though you felt you deserved it and Stamos never arrived, instead you would end up with "Dawn."
Request Wars 2.0:
Champion: Angi (Streak: 2)
Angi's (repping Travis) Song Choice: "Fat Lip"
Abe's (repping Rebecca) Song Choice: "Fly High Michelle"
Observation:
Rebecca probably banged Slash and may know Tracy of Eddie Vedder banging fame. She went to Mother McCaughley and Chip Z'Nuff went to Brother Rice. Derrick Whibley banged Avril who banged Chad Kroeger. All this banging and effort for two lackluster songs, I see Angi pulling this out if only because what was the last time you heard Enuff Z Nuff on the radio.
Winner: Angi
10 o'Clock Toast:
Walter Payton College Prep High School. They are the number 1 school in Illinois or something so good job or something.
Show Quotes and Tidbits:
"My compliments to people who watch full movies of porn." - Abe
PSAngi: When you're getting your ass tattoo touched up, don't fart.
PSAngi: When you get an ass tattoo, it shouldn't be that deep.