Abe

Abe

Abe Kanan was born and raised on the south side of Chicago and grew up hanging out at Metro, Aragon, Riv, and all of Chicago’s music venues, checking...Full Bio

 

Angi Taylor Show Recap With Jay The Gay - 5-26-2023

Photo: Flickr RF

This is just a small taste of the show overall, the bits and bobs that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out the podcast of today's show. However, if you're looking for a quick read along with random self inserts and my personal thoughts, you've come to the right place. 

Call in Point:

(This is the broadstroke canvas on which I base my call, obviously these notes are going to be longer and more detailed.)

It's Chainsaw Friyay, it's a holiday weekend and I'm sure all of us are just watching the clock count down until we can check out. With all the drunken fun that will surely come this weekend, I'm sure Angi has something light and fluffy for us to dissect. (Looks at scribbled notes....) Oh nevermind, it looks like we're going on a revenge crusade this morning, surely a great thing to add inspiration to an upcoming long weekend (cough.) So, Angi wanted to hear if any of the roadies had gotten revenge (in a lighthearted way and not say, murder.) This trip to get back at the store was inspired by a UK woman who caught her man cheating and so she came up with a clever way to get back at him. She hid a bunch of smelly food all over his apartment. Though Abe was not initially impressed, I have to say that stuffing curtain rods above windows full of shrimp is just evil. Also found in the Reddit thread where Angi pulled the story from were other tales of revenge like the ex who removed the back panel of the TV and filled it with crab meat. Before there's any confusion (like there was with Abe,) flat screen TV's do have back panels. Another brushed the toilet with her ex's toothbrush (vile vile vile!) Taking the liquid in the bottom of jars of minced garlic and filling all his shoes with it. Another emptied a spray bottle full of milk onto her exs carpet. In other words, this was a thread full of women creating schemes to get back at men aka Angi's favorite. As for Angi's revenge, she emptied out some jobbers bank account. Sure, it was a joint account but all the money in it wasn't hers. This of course was revenge for Angi wanting to dump this zero and him being so mad that he threw all her stuff on the lawn. So many easy low hanging fruit jokes here to pick but I'm taking the high road. All and all, she ended up with a couple grand out of the ordeal so she was able to afford new milk crates to sit on and a couple pairs of hoop earrings. Since we got our Angi man hating story tackled, we took to the Request Line to see if there were any roadies who had anything to add. Dawn got revenge on a truly awful ex (who would beat her) by putting Nair in his shampoo bottle. When he used it, he called her to yell at the shampoo that ruined his perfect hair and made him look like a patchy a-hole (fitting.) Keith used rock wool insulation on the toilet paper of an ex to give him an itch he wouldn't soon forget (ouch.) If you are looking for more roadie comments or have your own, hit up our Facebook group (The Angi Taylor Show) and read up or drop us a comment.

Other Stuff from Today's Show

Since we're already riding the man train, we might as well continue it here. Not having had enough robbing some jobber, Angi also went on Reddit to unveil some guy secrets because apparently, they are impossible to figure out. She didn't give away the main secret that all we need to be happy is food, video games and a belly rub but here is some of the information she decided to leak. 

- Sometimes when "it's" up, it doesn't mean that we're horney ... but don't let that stop you. Abe elaborated that this usually has to do with urination (I would deconstruct this but these notes are already so long.)

- When "it's" not up, it doesn't mean that we are not horny. Sometimes guys have issues!

- Men can be friends for years and not know another guy's real name. 

- Male confidence can be faked and sometimes it is to hide insecurity.

- When we sigh while watching the nightly news, it's simply because we sometimes forget to breathe.

- We don't want to tell you certain things that worry us because we don't want to worry you as well.

- No, we're not going to the gym to get in shape for other women.

- Apparently women want us to listen to their problems and empathize with them and not try to fix them.

- Don't be insecure over imperfections because we normally don't notice or care about them.

- Abe has flat feet and they have ruined his life....

Finally, since we're barreling into a long holiday weekend that music is surely to be a part of, perhaps a list of legendary albums without a single weak track might be helpful. While Abe picked "And Justice for All" and "Master of Puppets," as his, here's the Top 10 according to LoudWire.

10. "Nevermind" by Nirvana

9. "Led Zeppelin IV" by Led Zeppelin

8. "Are you Experienced" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience

7. "Appetite for Destruction" by Guns N' Roses

6. "Rumours" by Fleetwood Mac

5. "In Rock" by Deep Purple

4. "The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars" by David Bowie

3. "Magical Mystery Tour" by The Beatles

2. "Dirt" by Alice in Chains

1. "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC

Don't Kill Angi Weekly Recap:

Mon: Angi wanted to get roofied in Vegas

Choice: Head Roadie Pat had Angi decide to have Abe roofie her in Vegas.

Result: As to be expected whenever Angi heard about Jay the Straight having any variation of a good time, Angi found herself wanting to upstage him. Sure, normally getting roofied in Vegas could turn out wrong but if done by a friend, it could have been amazing. After deciding that Jay the Gay would probably force feed her too many roofies just to see what would happen, Angi opted to take Abe to Vegas with her instead. The pair arrived at a bar once they hit the strip and Abe ordered a drink for Angi and a mocktail for himself. Even though she knew he was going to drug her drink, he still felt compelled to distract her. "Angi, look over there, Johnny Depp is signing bottles of Sauvage Dior." Angi's head spun faster than the time she ran down the hall to meet Tommy from Power and Abe took the moment to grind up a pill in her drink. Annoyed that she clearly missed him, Angi turned back to Abe. "Cheers," he said as he handed her the roofied drink. Angi immediately pounded it and the pair waited for anything to happen but nothing came. "Angi, look over there, Michael B. Jordan is deadlifting Travis Kelce." Another drugged drink was passed along and still nothing happened. Annoyed, Angi ordered a round of tequila shots and pounded them as well. Oddly, even those did not seem to penetrate her. Angi grabbed a bottle of Jack off the bar and downed it all, still completely unphased. As she would eventually come to find out, Angi's body was so polluted from years of hard living, heavy drinking and illegal substances, recreational drugs simply couldn't affect her. Annoyed with the lack of feeling anything, Angi left the bar defeated as Abe fell out of his stool drunkenly from one sip of his mocktail. (Alive)

Tue: Angi wanted to check out the Black Wolf rideshare app.

Choice: Jennifer had Angi decide to go to a Cubs game.

Result: As Angi was always known for wanting to be ahead of the curve, the moment she heard about a new ride sharing app, Angi decided to book a ride. Sure, she felt it was a tad unsafe to have a rider driving strapped but at the same time, perhaps it could have been a good thing. Angi downloaded the Black Wolf app and ordered a car to the station to take her to a Cubs game. She normally would have not been caught dead at one but she was craving some day drinking. After a few minute wait, the driver finally rolled up and he seemed nice enough. As she slid into the car, the driver offered up the first of (too) many compliments. "Hey, nice shoes," he said as she closed the door and he returned his eyes to the road. "Thanks, nice, uh ... gun on the dashboard." The conversation continued with small bits of talk but the driver was still going on about Angi's looks. "You're very beautiful," he slipped in after swearing at another driver and waving his gun. "Uh thanks," Angi loved a good compliment but it was getting to be a bit much. "You got real nice stems," he said as he blew a red light and waved his gun out the window. "Cool...." As they got closer to Wrigley Field though, he threw out a real gemstone. "So, what's your cup size?" Angi was taken aback but decided not to irritate the man with the weapon. "Can you just put on Rock 95.5?" The driver did and the rest of the ten minute trip remained silent while R.E.M. played. Finally, they arrived outside Wrigley and Angi was thrilled to be done with the ride. As she got out of the car, so did the driver. Looking around, Angi surveyed the first place she could sprint into to escape him. "By the way," the driver said to Angi as closed his door and pulled off his shirt. He had his back turned to her to reveal a massive White Sox tattoo. Before Angi could respond though, the driver spun round and proceeded to empty his clip into her head for being a Cubs fan. (Dead)

Wed: Angi wanted to go check out the Playpen

Choice: Tony had Angi decide to ride a jet ski out to the Playpen.

Result: Even though the weather had gone from mild to a bit of a chill, Angi was still hell bent on making sure everything was ready for the impending summer. These self appointed duties for which no one in their right mind would sign off on included testing drinks at various bars, making sure the ladies rooms were clean at those bars and of course, going out to the Playpen. Donning a life jacket under her windbreaker, Angi went down to the docks and found an idle jet ski. Luckily for her, the owner had left the keys in there and for some reason had run off in a panic (red flag foreshadowing right there.) Angi jumped on the jet ski and took off for the Playpen, yelling and waving her arms as the cold water splashed against her jeans. There was a thought that she could have waited for a warmer day to have done this but she had a house to sell so time was incredibly valuable. It took a few minutes but Angi was nearly near the Playpen when she suddenly noticed something beside her. Squinting her eyes because she had not worn her glasses, she made out a shape that was all too familiar to her. It was Eric the Freshwater Shark, purveyor of many of Angi's former demises. This time though she assumed he was going to be cool as he had not lept out of the water immediately and eaten her. "Hey Mr. Shark, please don't bite me," Angi called down in the water, assuming that the shark would understand her. Unfortunately, that call down was exactly the incentive Eric the Freshwater Shark needed to be incentivized to action. Eric the Freshwater Shark stopped next to Angi and came up out of the water, biting her foot off. Angi screamed and fell into the water which allowed the shark to swim back around and continue having lunch. He ate her other foot, then both her legs, then her stomach and finished it off with her chest. When it was all over, Angi was just a head floating in the water as Eric the Freshwater Shark savored his meal and contemplated where to get a cigarette. (Dead)

Thur: Angi wanted to spy on the people at her open house

Choice: Helen had Angi decide to hide in her bedroom closet.

Result: After finally being pushed into selling her money pit flop house, Angi was none too thrilled at the idea of people rifling through her stuff. More egregious to her though was the fact that she would not be allowed to stay at home and watch people go through her stuff. Since that was just not going to fly, Angi decided to stay home and hide in her bedroom closet. It wouldn't allow her to keep her medicine cabinet pharmacy from being raided but at least she could keep creeps away from her sex toy chest. Grabbing her phone that was attached to all the cameras in the house, Angi spirited away to her bedroom closet. After a few minutes, the open house began and Angi found herself appalled. It was a literal free for all when the doors opened, with pigs stampeding into her house and having at her goods. Some people were pulling Jay the Straight's paintings off the walls and inspecting them. One woman walked into the bedroom and emptied Angi's jewelry box onto the floor and started trying on bracelets. There was one guy inside her fridge eating the leftover DoorDash from the night before. A throuple made their way into Angi's shower and decided to wash themselves off. One guy even had the audacity to lay down on Angi's couch and start watching the episode of Vanderpump Rules that she had paused before the open house had started. She was fuming over all this but powerless to stop the home invasion nightmare if she planned to get the house sold. Just as things seemed to be calming down though, a creep walked into Angi's bedroom and opened up her underwear drawer. Even though she's known for never wearing panties, she still had a drawer full of them. Within a moment, he had a handful of her panties and started sniffing them. Angi was disgusted but it only got worse as he put a pair over his face and then proceeded to take off his pants. The sick pervert wanted to wear the panties and as he attempted to put them on, he fell over onto Angi's bed. At this point though, Angi had enough and burst forward from the closet. "Take off my underwear you sick F!" The creep tried to get off Angi's bed but she was enraged and jumped on him. "You like panties so much, huh!" she yelled as she grabbed a handful of panties and stuffed them in the creeps mouth. He couldn't do anything as Angi held him down and held her hand over his stuffed mouth, causing him to suffocate. Angi got up disgusted but happy she was able to rid the world of at least one loser. (Alive)

Fri: Angi wanted to go to a Memorial Day BBQ

Choice: Craig had Angi decide to bring Rice Krispy Treats w/ raisins.

Result: Even though she should have been busy prepping her house for the weekend viewing, Angi instead decided to take time to make Rice Krispy Treats for a BBQ she was invited to. Instead of throwing something cool in them like chocolate chips, peanut butter or cocaine, Angi opted to do a childhood spin on her treats. Arriving at the BBQ, Angi presented the disgusting treat to the house who responded the way any rational person would. "This is disgusting, what is wrong with you?" he asked before calling over one of his kids. "Throw this in the garbage immediately and then throw that bag in Angi's car." The tray was tossed onto the floor and the host pulled a devastated Angi aside. "Just go man the meat grill or something," he pushed her over toward a towering steak of burgers, steak and chicken. Now, Angi was well known for her meat handling so she made her way toward the unmanned grill. When she arrived in front of it though, she noticed the fire was a bit too low and she decided to do something about it. Looking around, she found a bottle of lighter fluid and sprayed the flames with it. As expected though, the flames rose and flew forward, lighting Angi ablaze. As she stumbled around on fire, attempting to remember the third step in stop and drop, the host sighed and came over. He was also carrying a bottle of lighter fluid but instead of helping put out the fire, he unloaded the whole bottle onto her which caused her to burn brighter than a star. Within moments, Angi was charred to a crisp but at least the BBQ was rid of that woman who brought the garbage treats. (Dead)

Request Wars 2.0

Champion: Angi (Streak: 3)

Angi's (repping Elizabeth) Song Choice: "Rock the Casbah" by The Clash

Abe's (repping Duke) Song Choice: "Down on Me" by Jackyl

Winner: Abe

10 O' Clock Toast

Toastee: Fallen soldiers

It's Memorial Day weekend and we celebrate those who gave their lives to protect ours. We salute you fallen soldiers.

Show Quotes and Tidbits:

"That's a great business idea. someone who cuts mullets but only with a chainsaw." - Abe

"Not enough chlorine in the world to put out that flaming cooter crisis she (Angi) has going on over there." - Minn Barb


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