This article from PhillyVoice is full of what is probably really good health advice to which approximately 0% of us are going to adhere. The whole thing is focused on the question of how many fries you should eat in one sitting, and some very smart Harvard professor named Eric Rimm has the AUDACITY to say you should have a side salad and six fries.
FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU. Look at the millionaire who can afford two sides! He is obviously not a millennial. When asked "fries or a salad" you're not supposed to respond with "yes."
Then they talked to nutritionist Elaine McGee. The woman has written 25 nutrition books. 25. Calm down. What can you possibly be saying about food that takes 25 books? I haven't read even one of them but I can probably sum it up right now: don't eat crappy food. Focus on vegetables, and have some fruit so you don't get scurvy. Lean protein and fiber should be top priorities. Portions are a thing. Bada bing, bada boom, nutrition.
Homegirl then has the nerve to give us this advice:
Take half a fry, put it on your tongue and close your eyes, she told the Times. “Anything can be eaten healthfully if it’s eaten mindfully. If you eat french fries that way, you will probably be satisfied with 10.
Shut up. No one is going to do that. She probably makes those "fun pizzas" that are slices of watermelon with strawberries and feta on them, then tells her kids she got pizza.
Look, salads, vegetables, chicken breasts, these are all things we need to sustain life. But fries, ice cream, pizza, these are what we stay alive for.
Now someone get me a large fry.