BEST. EMAIL. EVER.


Towards the end of the work day at iHeartMedia Charlotte today, this email was sent out to everyone:

SO OBVIOUSLY I HAVE BEEN ALL OVER THIS.

Who could it be? I needed evidence. Witnesses. Alibies. Suspects.

I've been able to come up with a list of 3 suspects. So far. But this investigation is ongoing.

Because this is an open case, I cannot disclose names.

Suspect 1: Male. On air personality.

Motive: known to be somewhat of a health nut when it comes to his diet. Eats tuna packets and drinks protein shakes everyday for lunch. The bell peppers would therefore be very appealing for him.

Alibi: In meeting during time of the incident.

Suspect 2: Female. Sales Executive. The accuser.

Motive: She is the only person confirmed, through her own admission, to have physically been in contact with the bell peppers. Maybe she wanted to sabotage her daughter's science project. Maybe she just wanted to spread some gossip and keep the people guessing. Who knows? People are sick. PEOPLE ARE SICK.

Alibi: It's her own daughter's experiment and this would only inconvenience her.

Suspect 3: Male. Sales Executive.

Motive: Known to eat anyone's food he can get his hands on. Has eaten multiple baked goods taken from the part timers' area. Once took a banana from a coworker when she wasn't in her office. The list goes on.

Alibi: There isn't one.

MY SEARCH FOR JUSTICE CONTINUES